So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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