remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
