HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
