There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
