it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
