His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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