Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
