I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
