Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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