Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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