why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
