The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
