he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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