What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
