Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
