guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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