Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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