Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
