I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
