Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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