I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
