I want to have your abortion
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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