he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
