saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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