Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
