don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
