so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
