There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
