I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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