I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
