Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
