She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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