I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
