i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
