: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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