This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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