This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
