College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
