The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
