oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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