So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I touched a dick in church today
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
