What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize