her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
