I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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