You're so nebulous sometimes
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize