Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
