I want to stick my p in your. b.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Randomize
