Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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