thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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