at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
