So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
