After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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