he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
