we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
