She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
