Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Green mimosas i think yes
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
