Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
P.S. I can't hear my feet
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
