you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
