so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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