It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
