Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
