People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
