Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
