I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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