I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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