He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
